Speak to your Children the Way you would like them to Speak

Brain scientists seem to believe that children from birth (some believe from the fetal stage) to about 6 years old have an amazing capacity to learn.  Their brains have been described as sponges – absorbing and downloading everything they hear.  These early programming and recordings serve as a foundation for all their future learning associations. 

At this point, I am curious to know why then do we “talk down” to our children, knowing that they can absorb anything?  Why have we assumed that by “watering down” our language, we think we are doing them a favour? We go to all that trouble of creating a baby language, so to speak, in the belief that that is what they need in order to understand us.  Interestingly, we do not have any evidence to support this.  In other words, we have come to the conclusion that they are not as smart as us.  Where did we learn that?

We have to get rid of this notion and give them the benefit of the doubt.  Some will say there is nothing wrong with speaking this way to our children.  I say there is.  We are inadvertently slowing down their progress by handing to them a make-believe language that has to be re –programmed later.  Children speak the way you speak because of the presence of “mirror-neurons” in the brain.  They have no choice but to mimic their surroundings which means basically you and all the other care-givers.  Here is a suggestion that I have done with my children with very satisfying results. Why not, right from the start speak to them as intelligibly as you possibly can?  In other words, give them the real thing and save them the trouble of having to re learn the “better” form of the language.

One of the problems we have to understand is that not every child understand the concept of transference of language.  In other words, they may not have the skill to know when to speak what form of language.  Even though they may be avid readers, they may not know when to use that ‘bookish standard’ language. Under difficult exam situations they would probably revert to their ‘normal’ style which is the simple words we have so lovingly gave them.  If they are always in the mode of speaking an “acceptable standard” of English, then that habit would be useful at any time.

Let us take this example.  During an oral exam, the teacher asks the question “Why is food important to us?

Response for Sample One

“We should eat rice, meat and vegetables because they make us strong and healthy. Also because we can be smart.”

 

 

Answer Sample Two

“When we consume food like rice and bread they provide us with the carbohydrates we need for energy.  While the meat and fish is a good source of protein which helps with our body’s growth.  In addition, vegetables and fruits support our immune system so that we can fight infections better. Research also shows that certain types of food can help our brains develop well so that we can improve our learning performance.”

Which child do you think will score higher in an oral exam?

I can hear some of you may be lamenting that this is difficult to achieve – you know to speak like that.  Well, first let me say you do not always have to speak “like that”.  Start with inserting a few words like instead of eat – use the word “consume”.  Instead of saying make you strong – replace that with “provide you with energy”.  Yes, this means learning to speak well starts with you.  As an English Language teacher, I believe anyone can learn this.  The first step is you have to make a decision to want to.  You and your spouse can support each other in this.  Second, you have to read.  I know – you left school a long time ago and with that the habit of reading as well. Folks, the good news is that you too will benefit from it.  I promise you! Pick out articles that carry this kind of language.  Learn just 3 words from one article and immediately use them.  Yes, the real secret to good language is the usage.  The more you use them the more they become a part of you.

This is exactly why some children do not remember well that long list of words given to them.  There is no opportunity for use. Even teachers seldom role-model the use of the words they want their students to learn by heart.  As someone who has been teaching English for 20 years now, I am of the opinion that when it comes to vocabulary, rote-learning is not a long-term effective method. You have to find situations for children to practice them.

Here is one tip to parents who want to help their children improve their vocabulary.  Take that long list of words given by the teacher and go through them one by one.  Help them associate the words with something that the child is already familiar with.  Let us use the word obnoxious for this situation.

Obnoxious = annoying or offensive

Guide your child to say what kind of behavior does he consider terribly annoying? Then, ask your child if there is someone whose behavior he finds annoying.  Get the child to imagine seeing this person in his or her mind and label the person “obnoxious”.  That will stick better for the child and gives the child an ‘association’.  Do not be surprised if your child names his or her sibling’s behavior. It is normal.  Just point out that it is the behavior that is obnoxious and not the person.

Then  proceed to make a simple sentence. 

I find Andy’s tantrum throwing in class simply obnoxious.

You can take this practice one step further when you see any annoying behavior like someone who pushes others in the MRT.  You role-model and say something like “Don’t you think his behavior is obnoxious? But, please say it softly!  You do not want to put yourself and your child in any harm (you know what I mean?).

This method may look tedious at first.  Keep doing it and your child’s brain will slowly move into making this a habit.  And if he forgets – help remind him.  After all, they are children – do not expect perfection.   

In the next session, I will talk about how you can introduce important ideas for discussion into your child’s life with very little effort.  Till then, speak to your child the way you would like him to speak.

Ms Rohani Razak

Educationist/ Therapist

 

 

 
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